I am learning that…I’m fairly argumentative
But, like most people, I have too much focus on other people’s behaviours, rather than on my own.
Now, living with my partner, a teenager, an almost teenager and my Mum, I have more honest mirrors around me than I have had in years. And, this time, with more inner clarity about who I want to be, more willingness to be in uncomfortable honesty about how I am showing up and more understanding of what is within my control.
So, I am listening with curiosity (and discomfort) in situations where my argumentativeness arises and doing my best to understand it, so that I can make wiser choices. This is one of the ways I am working towards my lifelong goal – to develop deep smile lines in old age.
When we are in conflict or a challenging situation with someone else, we often spend our energy on what the other person is or isn’t doing and how much they need to sort themselves out, that we forget to look to ourselves (unless it is to berate ourselves and judge that we just aren’t good enough!)
Even in our closest relationships, the only thing we have control over is ourself, frustrating as that is!
For me, remembering this helps to take care of myself in difficult situations, when faced with others emotions and struggles and in conflict.
Does this resonate? If so, these are some other things that help me and may help you…
Actively create space by taking a breath, so that you can make wiser choices. Just that action will help you to clarity, calmness and to access the parts of your brain that mean you will be more able to respond, rather than react. And it may help you come back to yourself (I also do this by putting my hand on my heart space).
By coming back to yourself in the moment, you may allow yourself acknowledge how the situation and the other person(s) are impacting you, and make wiser choices. You will be more able to remember what matters most to you and consider how you want to show up in that situation/relationship.
Making space and breathing well, will also better protect your wellbeing – your stress levels will stay lower, so your emotions won’t be leading you, and you will recover sooner.
Taking that space also means you are less likely to carry it around with you as an extra weight in life…and none of us need more baggage!
Back To Me
I take your personal data very seriously, you can review my privacy policy here.